


te sueño y te quiero tanto (aka another chatfic)

by TransBoyHobi



Series: como un barco en las olas [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Asexual Lesbian Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Demisexual Hunk (Voltron), Dialogue-Only, Everyone is LGBT, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gender Neutral Pronouns for Lance (Voltron), Lesbian Veronica (Voltron), M/M, Non-Binary Lance (Voltron), Pansexual Allura (Voltron), Trans Female Pidge | Katie Holt, chat fic, no beta we die like shiro, text message fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-06-28 05:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15700518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransBoyHobi/pseuds/TransBoyHobi
Summary: Thirsty Hoe:listen here u annoying patch of sticker residueEdgelord:what u expired gallon of milk?Thirsty Hoe:betEdgelord:meet me in the fucking pitHunkalunk:wow you could cut the sexual tension with a KNIFEThirsty Hoe:jshdgjdkfk hUNKEdgelord:our tension is purely fueled by spite!Thirsty Hoe:YEAH! no sexual undertones here!!!Ronnie:well im convincedThirsty Hoe:go away you troublesome lesbianOr: Lance makes a groupchat to keep in touch with the other paladins while they wait for the Castle to be rebuilt. Along the way, they find dead memes and Naruto references.





	te sueño y te quiero tanto (aka another chatfic)

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd and mostly written at times when I couldn't sleep. I apologize for any mistakes or inconsistencies this probably caused. Feel more than free to point any out to me!

**Lancôme has created a group chat**

**Lancôme has renamed the chat _its gay my dudes_**

**Lancôme has added _Hunkalunk_ , _Pidgeon_ , and 3 other users**

 

 

 **Lancôme:** hey bois it's ya demon

 **Actual Goddess:** what on Altea is this??

 **Pidgeon:** a mistake

 **Quiche:** why tho

 **Quiche:**  wait who tf changed my name

 **Lancôme:** twas not i!!

 **Quiche:** Fix It.

 **Lancôme:** make me binch

 **Shirt:** gays, please

 **Pidgeon:** hsgdhwjhdh why is your name s h i r t

 **Lancôme:** autocorrect lmao sorry shirt

 **Lancôme:** *shiro

 **Quiche:** f i x  m y  f u c k i n g  n a m e  l a n c e

 **Lancôme:**...

 **Lancôme:** nah

**Quiche has changed Lancôme's name to Lamp**

**Pidgeon:** shgdhejdhj

**Lamp has changed Quiche's name to Queef**

**Pidgeon:** holy shjtkshdhdjsk

**Queef has changed Lamp's name to Kindly Fuck Off**

**Kindly Fuck Off has changed Queef's name to Make Me**

**Shirt has changed their name to Shiro**

**Pidgeon has changed Shiro's name to I Love Arm**

**Hunkalunk:** this is already a mess

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** i regret nothing

 **I Love Arm:** i regret everything

 **Actual Goddess:** what exactly was the purpose of this

 **Actual Goddess:** before it spiraled so spectacularly?

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** oh!

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** well since we're all back on earth, i know we're all gonna be supes busy

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** so i thought a gc would make it easier for us to keep in touch and stuff

 **Hunkalunk:** that's actually a really good idea!

 **Kindly Fuck Off:**!!!

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** thanks buddy!

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** glad s o m e o n e appreciates my genius

 **Hunkalunk:** always do

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** <3

 

* * *

 

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** hey gays

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** *guys

 **Pidgeon:** hwat

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** you know that old actor jon bernthal?

 **Hunkalunk:** yeah?

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** i want him to crush my cranium with his bare hands

 **Actual Goddess:** Lance???

 **Pidgeon:** take your bisexuality elsewhere, heathen

 **Pidgeon:** dw princess 

 **Pidgeon:** lance is just experiencing this disgusting human defect called lust

 **Actual Goddess:** ah

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** have you seen that man?

 **Kindly Fuck Off:** total dream daddy

**Pidgeon has changed Kindly Fuck Off's name to Thirsty Hoe**

**Thirsty Hoe:** i mean

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ur not wrong

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i crave that d

 **Hunkalunk:** vitamin

**Make Me has left the group**

**Pidgeon:** fucking drama queen

 **Thirsty Hoe:**???

 **Thirsty Hoe:** what just happened

 **Hunkalunk:** dw i got him

**Hunkalunk has added Make Me to the group**

**Make Me has changed their name to Keith**

**Thirsty Hoe:** uh no

**Thirsty Hoe has changed Keith's name to Edgelord**

**Thirsty Hoe has left the group**

**Pidgeon:** keith

 **Edgelord:** yes?

 **Pidgeon:** did u just block lance

 **Edgelord:** yes

 **I Love Arm:** keith...

 **Edgelord:** yes? 

 **I Love Arm:** please unblock lance

 **Edgelord:** why tho

 **I Love Arm:** because they are an integral part of this team and our friend

 **Edgelord:** sounds fake...

 **I Love Arm:** Keith...

 **Pidgeon:** ooh, he used a capital k

 **Pidgeon:** must be serious

 **Edgelord:** ugh fiiine

**Edgelord has added Thirsty Hoe to the group**

**Thirsty Hoe:** i cannot b e l i e v e

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i thought we were f r i e n d s

 **Edgelord:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wow im

 **Pidgeon:** i can actually taste the salt

 **Hunkalunk:** oh yea lance is all about that mineral

 **Thirsty Hoe:** et tu, hunk?

 **Hunkalunk:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** fukk all yall

 

* * *

 

 **Pidgeon:** hey lance

 **Pidgeon:**  wheres ur badass sister?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** we be shoppin

 **Thirsty Hoe:** y?

 **Pidgeon:** add her, binch

 **Hunkalunk:** ooh yeah get veronica in here

 **Thirsty Hoe:** alright jeez, hold on

**Thirsty Hoe has added Ronnie to the group**

**Ronnie:** the cooler mcclain sibling has arrived

 **Thirsty Hoe:** don't make me kick you

 **Hunkalunk:** veronica!!!

 **Ronnie:** hey hunk! how u been? 

 **Hunkalunk:** oh im dandy. how's the fam? 

 **Ronnie:** great! sebastian and adais are starting 4th grade soon, and adais wants to learn how to punch people

 **Pidgeon:** hella mood

 **Hunkalunk:** wow, 4th grade? i feel old

 **Thirsty Hoe:** imagine how i feel

 **Pidgeon:** you're all old in my eyes

 **Edgelord:** youre only two years younger than lance???

 **Pidgeon:** practically an entire generation

**Thirsty Hoe has changed Pidgeon's name to Whippersnapper**

**Whippersnapper has changed their name to Pidgeon**

**Pidgeon:** don't test me

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wot u fukin birb? 

 **Pidgeon:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? 

 **Pidgeon:** I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Galaxy Garrison, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the Galra Empire, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in Voltron.

 **Pidgeon:** You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words.

 **Pidgeon:** You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet?

 **Pidgeon:** Think again, fucker.

 **Pidgeon:** As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.

 **Pidgeon:** Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Voltron Coalition and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit.

 **Pidgeon:** If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot.

 **Pigeon:** I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it.

 **Pidgeon:** You're fucking dead, kiddo.

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i mean im actually the one with the spiciest snipes so...

**Thirsty Hoe has left the group**

**I Love Arm:** not again

 

* * *

  

 **Hunkalunk:** everyone, naruto marathon at my dorm after supper. be there or be square.

 **Ronnie:** am i invited?

 **Hunkalunk:** but of course!!

 **Ronnie:** see you there u goddamn nerds

 **Edgelord:** im already there

 **Pidgeon:** *the fastest nyoooom*

 **Actual Goddess:** what is a naruto?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ohm y go d yaaas bitch 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ur gonna love it princess, naruto is the shit

 **I Love Arm:** i was actually raised by iruka-sensei

 **Pidgeon:** i 100% accept this as complete truth

 **Edgelord:** he actually Wasnt

 **I Love Arm:** Believe it, keith

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i snjorted so loud

 **Hunkalunk:** snjorted

 **Pidgeon:** snjorted

 **Ronnie:** snjorted

 **Edgelord:** snjorted

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wow im being BULLIED

 **I Love Arm:** snjorted

 **Thirsty Hoe:** dad pls

 **I Love Arm:** whomst?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** allura, back me up?!!!

 **Actual Goddess:** snjorted

 **Thirsty Hoe:** In the ninja world

 **Thirsty Hoe:** those who break the rules are scum

 **Thirsty Hoe:** but those who abandon their friends...

 **Thirsty Hoe:** a r e  w o r s e  t h a n  s c u m

**Edgelord has renamed the chat _¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_**

 

* * *

 

 **Actual Goddess:** paladins, do you remember which of the planets we visited had the hallucinogenic apples?

 **Edgelord:** i think that was Ythga??

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ythga

 **Actual Goddess:** thats right, thank you! 

 **Hunkalunk:** why do u ask? 

 **Actual Goddess:** oh, i was just telling Samuel about how Keith ate one and thought Kosmo and Lance had switched bodies and cried all over Lance

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i approve

 **Ronnie:** pics or it didn't happen

 **Actual Goddess:** _[image sent]_

 **Edgelord:** What The Actual Fuck Princess

 **Edgelord:** i trusted you. i trusted you with my life. my goddamn life. this is the fucking thanks i get. i have never done anything to you. i fought in your war. i joined your fucking cause. i nearly blew myself the fuck up to save you. and this is how you repay me. this is how you treat me after everything. like a fucking pawn. a fucking PAWN. 

 **Edgelord:** Never Again.

 **Pidgeon:** why is everyone in this chat so fucking extra

 **I Love Arm:** lance rubbed off on us

 **Thirsty Hoe:** haha u wish ;)

**Thirsty Hoe has left the group**

**I Love Arm:** can we go one fucking day without someone blocking lance?

 **Pidgeon:** no

 **Edgelord:** no

 

* * *

 

 **I Love Arm:** im so fUCKING GAY

 **Ronnie:** wow same

 **Edgelord:** tell us something we don't know

 **I Love Arm:** im having a crisis 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** what's up, jefe?

 **I Love Arm:** my ex wants to have dinner and talk and i just dhgdjskdj

 **Pidgeon:** mood

 **Edgelord:** how is that a mood if you don't have a single ex?

 **Pidgeon:** shut the hell your mouth

 **Hunkalunk:** are u going?

 **I Love Arm:** maybe after i,,, Vomit

 **Pidgeon:** disaster gay™ shiro Confirmed

 **Edgelord:** surprising no one

 **I Love Arm:** i came for support and all i got was Shade

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i support u, shiro! get ur mans! ^3^

 **I Love Arm:** idk h o w 

 **I Love Arm:** we didn't end on good terms but he means so much to me that... i know i'd take him back in a heartbeat. i just don't know if i should and im nervous that i'll be too clouded by my feelings to see reason, you know?

 **Actual Goddess:** whatever happens, the paladins and i will have your back no matter what!

 **Actual Goddess:** and, well, if he hurts you...

 **Actual Goddess:** we have plenty of fire power on our side!!! :D

 **Thirsty Hoe:** seconded!

 **I Love Arm:** wow

 **I Love Arm:** thank you, princess. that means a lot

 **Actual Goddess:** of course, Shiro!

 **Edgelord:** Allura Terrifies Me

 **Actual Goddess:** ;D

 **Ronnie:** i think im in love with a princess

 **Thirsty Hoe:** das gay :/

 **Thirsty Hoe:** but also same

**Edgelord has left the group**

**Thirsty Hoe:** wtf?? why does he keep doing that?

 **I Love Arm:** you know keith doesn't like Feelings

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ok,,

 **Thirsty Hoe:** what does that have to do with anything?

 **Ronnie:** lance,,,,

 **Ronnie:** are u serious rn?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yes??

 **Pidgeon:** smh

**I Love Arm has added Edgelord to the group**

**Edgelord:** ew

 **Thirsty Hoe:** now be a good boy and stay

 **Edgelord:** uhh

 **I Love Arm:** i wish you guys could see keith's face right now

 **I Love Arm:** he's so red and he's pouting, it's adorable

 **Edgelord:** suddenly i have zero (0) brothers

 **Pidgeon:** i demand pics for future blackmail

 **I Love Arm:** i'll trysjdjik lmkk,.lj

 **I Love Arm:**!.!'dkjsj

 **Hunkalunk:**...did we just witness shiro's death?

 **Pidgeon:** he died for a worthy cause

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ,(TヘT),

 **Ronnie:** rip

 

* * *

 

 **Ronnie:** good morning younglings

 **Thirsty Hoe:** never use that word again

 **Ronnie:** fine day, youngins

 **Thirsty Hoe:** It Is Time To Stop

 **Ronnie:** hello naughty children

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ¡basta ya!

 **Pidgeon:** i like you

 **Ronnie:** right back at you, chica! 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wait wait

 **Thirsty Hoe:** where's shirt?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** *shiro

 **I Love Arm:** here

 **Hunkalunk:** buddy! howd it go last night?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** *beating fists on table* SPILL! THAT! TEA!

 **Actual Goddess:** yes, do tell

 **I Love Arm:** well, uhh

 **I Love Arm:** we stayed up for a while catching up and things

 **I Love Arm:** it was really nice, to be like that with him again

 **I Love Arm:** and... he asked me if i would take him back

 **Pidgeon:**!!!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yooooo!! did u give him an answer?

 **I Love Arm:** i said yes

 **Hunkalunk:** yay!! im so happy for you!

 **Ronnie:** pardon my french but i ship the heckity fuck out of this 

 **Actual Goddess:** <3

 **Hunkalunk:** you know what?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** say it. say it out loud.

 **Hunkalunk:** cake. tonight. lance, you're on frosting duty

 **Hunkalunk:** we're all gonna spend time together and celebrate

 **Thirsty Hoe:** YAAAS BITCHES MY ASS IS CLAPPIN

 **Pidgeon:** wheres keith? he needs to get in on this

 **Edgelord:** im here dw

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wow lurk much? 

 **Edgelord:** i just didn't have anything to say

 **I Love Arm:** everything okay? you kind of dropped off there.

 **Edgelord:** fine. are u gonna bring that guy? 

 **I Love Arm:** i was thinking about it, yeah

 **Edgelord:** alright

 

* * *

 

 **Hunkalunk:** im

 **Pidgeon:** w o w

 **Thirsty Hoe:** shgdjjehdj i cant BELIEVE

 **Edgelord:** im not apologizing for anything

 **I Love Arm:** im not asking you too, man. it was... kinda sweet?

 **Actual Goddess:** Keith has well demonstrated the loyalty and dependability to be expected of a paladin of Voltron

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i just never thought id get to see the day keith gave his big brother's boyfriend the shovel talk

 **Thirsty Hoe:** what a time to be alive

 **Edgelord:** it wasn't a shovel talk

 **Edgelord:** it was a goddamn promise

 **Hunkalunk:** im so glad ur on our side. sometimes i forget how terrifying you can be

 **Ronnie:** i wish my baby sibling was that cool

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ¿que pinga?

 **Pidgeon:** i was particularly moved by the moment where you waved your luxite blade near his junk

 **Ronnie:** so was he lmao

 **Hunkalunk:** did anyone capture that beautiful moment on video? 

 **Pidgeon:** it's like u don't even know me

 **Pidgeon:** _[video sent]_

 **I Love Arm:** wow play that at my funeral

 **Thirsty Hoe:** hot diggity damn son

 **Pidgeon:** of course lance is turned on by the vid of keith wielding his blade

 **Edgelord:** UH???

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wsjdgdhsk i wasn't TURNED ON by it wtf pidge

 **Edgelord:** wait. u weren't?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** no?!!

 **Edgelord:** oh

 **Pidgeon:** this is just so sad to watch

 

* * *

  

**Blue Da Ba Dee - > Useless Lesbian**

 

 

 **Blue Da Ba Dee:** okay so no me vayas a dichabar

 **Useless Lesbian:** por supuesto que no

 **Blue Da Ba Dee:** i

 **Blue Da Ba Dee:** may be

 **Blue Da Ba Dee:** gay for keith?

 **Blue Da Ba Dee:** hello?

 **Useless Lesbian:** sorry i was just

 **Useless Lesbian:** so caught off guard

 **Useless Lesbian:** completely surprised

 **Blue Da Ba Dee:** que te jodan

 

* * *

 

  **Disaster Gay - > Scene Queen**

 

 **Scene Queen:** so

 **Scene Queen:** i

 **Scene Queen:** think

 **Disaster Gay:** i believe in you, man. you can do it 

 **Scene Queen:** i

 **Scene Queen:** might

 **Scene Queen:** haveacrushon

 **Scene Queen:** lance

 **Disaster Gay:** wow i cant believe it

 **Disaster Gay:** i never saw this coming

 **Disaster Gay:** so shocked

 **Scene Queen:** unfriended blocked reported

 **Disaster Gay:** so are you going to tell them? | _not delivered_

 **Disaster Gay:** wrow really? | _not delivered_

 

* * *

 

**Chatting with _¯\\_(ツ)_/¯..._**

 

 

**I Love Arm has left the group**

**Hunkalunk:** wait nANI??

 **Edgelord:** whoops

 **Actual Goddess:** why has shiro left?

 **Pidgeon:** bitch what the FUCK

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ^^^

 **Edgelord:** he caught some hands ig

 **Actual Goddess:**??

 **Thirsty Hoe:** y-yOU BWOCKED DADDY?!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** BAKA!!! OnO

 **Thirsty Hoe:** *the saddest yarf*

 **Ronnie:** im not related to you anymore

 **Pidgeon:** i jjust..,. projectile v omited

 **Hunkalunk:** dude why would you block him??

 **Edgelord:** he was being A Dick

 **Actual Goddess:** (╬ Ò﹏Ó)

**Edgelord has added I Love Arm to the group**

**Pidgeon:** wow keith is fukkin weak

 **I Love Arm:** ikr

**I Love Arm has left the group**

**Edgelord:** talk shit get kicked

 

* * *

  

 **Pidgeon:** guys guess who has a HOT DATE today

 **Edgelord:** not you

 **Thirsty Hoe:** lmao why tf is hot date in all caps?

 **Pidgeon:** wow there are two (2) gays looking to get blocked today :/

 **Ronnie:** the green paladin is suddenly my favorite

 **Pidgeon:** i wish lance had told me their sister is fukkin awesome

 **Hunkalunk:** wHO HAS A HOT DATE???

 **Pidgeon:** oh right

 **Pidgeon:** @I Love Arm

 **I Love Arm:** how did you even hear about that? 

 **Pidgeon:** i have my ways

 **Pidgeon:** also it turns out adam is A Goddamn Wimp and very susceptible to intimidation tactics 

 **I Love Arm:** lmao we been knew 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** dhskmshsjsm sHIRO

 **I Love Arm:** what?

 **I Love Arm:** just bc he's my boyfriend doesn't mean i can't drag his ass

 **Pidgeon:** screenshotted

 **Hunkalunk:** should paladins of voltron really be constantly threatening one man? 

 **Actual Goddess:** yes

 **Edgelord:** the queen has speaketh'd

 **Thirsty Hoe:** my eyes hurt from reading that

 **Edgelord:** i didn't know you could read

 **Thirsty Hoe:** listen here u annoying patch of sticker residue

 **Edgelord:** what u expired gallon of milk?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** bet

 **Edgelord:** meet me in the fucking pit

 **Hunkalunk:** wow you could cut the sexual tension with a KNIFE

 **Thirsty Hoe:** jshdgjdkfk hUNK 

 **Edgelord:** our tension is purely fueled by spite!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** YEAH! no sexual undertones here!!!

 **Ronnie:** well im convinced

 **Thirsty Hoe:** go away you troublesome lesbian

 **I Love Arm:** come on, guys

 **I Love Arm:** it's not that gay to cradle your rival in your arms

 **Thirsty Hoe:** IF THIS DIDNT INVOLVE ME I'D BE LAUGHING AT THAT SICK BURN

 **Pidgeon:** oh my god they're so STUPID and it physically PAINS ME

 **Edgelord:** how are we stupid?? 

 **Pidgeon:** alphabetically or chronologically? 

 **Pidgeon:** i s2g i will lock you two in a closet if you can't figure this shit out

 **Edgelord:** i haven't been in the closet since i was 8 you demon

 **Thirsty Hoe:** don't u DARE lock me in a closet with billy ray cyrus!!!

 **Edgelord:** lance i stg

 

* * *

 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i can't believe she actually locked us in this goddamn closet

 **Edgelord:** imma bout to john mcclane this bitch

 **Thirsty Hoe:** space papi pls rescue

 **I Love Arm:** i actually think this will be good for you two. a chance to get everything out in the open

 **Thirsty Hoe:** top 10 anime betrayals

 **Hunkalunk:** the whole point is that you two talk to EACH OTHER, not the gc!!!

 **Edgelord:** i hate this fUCKING FAMILY

 **Actual Goddess:** aw Keith, you view us as family! how sweet <3

 **Ronnie:** does anyone actually think this will work?

 **Pidgeon:** sure, what could possibly go wrong? 

 **Hunkalunk:** probably nothing! 

 **I Love Arm:** ^^

 **Actual Goddess:** i hope you don't mind my saying, but im a bit surprised that you're okay with all of this, shiro

 **I Love Arm:** i am Desperate

 **Hunkalunk:** wow mood

 **Ronnie:** they haven't messaged in a bit

 **Ronnie:** maybe they're actually... t a l k i n g?

 **Hunkalunk:** could they be...

 **Hunkalunk:** *whispers* mouth-touching??

 **Pidgeon:** or dick-touching???

 **I Love Arm:** Pidge

 **Pidgeon:** sorry dad

 **Pidgeon:** *peen-touching

 **Hunkalunk:** that is So Much Worse

 **I Love Arm:** if they are, i will personally ground them both

 **Pidgeon:** wow it's so weird to not have lance pop in and make another space dad joke

 **Pidgeon:** @Edgelord @Thirsty Hoe zip up your pants and get back here already

 **Actual Goddess:** yes, i'd love to crack open some cold tea with the boys right about now :)

 **Ronnie:** the princess almost knows MEMES?

 **Ronnie:** wow suddenly im sO GAY

 **Hunkalunk:** old news

 **Ronnie:** sHUT

 

* * *

 

"I swear to god, when I get out of here..."

"We get it, Sasuke. You're a badass"

"I'm serious, Lance. This is fucking _stupid_."

"Look, I get it. You wouldn't want to be forced to spend an eternity with me or whatever, right? I'm so _fucking_ sorry!"

"Lance-"

_Clang!_

" _Shit!_ "

"Fuck, why the hell would you do that?!"

"I'm angry, Keith! Is that okay with you?" 

"Oh my god, quit being an asshole for _just a second_ , for the love of quiznak. Let me see your foot."

"I'm fine."

"Right. And I'm neurotypical. Swallow your pride for a moment and let me see your fucking foot."

"..."

"Please?"

"Happy now?"

"Ecstatic. Lance, this is already swelling. Does this-"

" _Carajo puñeta coño!_ "

"-hurt? Wow, okay. I think you might have fractured it."

"What, so it's my fault?"

"Yeah? You're the one who decided to kick a reinforced steel door."

"Just- shut the fuck up, Keith."

"Why the fuck are you upset with me? I didn't fucking lock us in here!"

"I know you f- _Christ_. I know."

"Okay, so how about instead of all this passive-aggressive bullshit, you - I don't know - actually _talk to me_."

"..."

"Fine. Whatev-"

"I'm sorry."

"...Right. Uh, why exactly?"

"Are you f-"

"Wait wait wait. Lance, I'm not asking because I'm trying to be a dick or something. I just- you literally have nothing to be sorry for?"

"Wanna try to make that sound _not_ like a question?"

"I'm serious! I don't understand what's going on right now. I don't- _I don't know_ and it's frustrating because I don't know how to fix what I don't understand."

"Ugh!" _Bang!_ "This fucking sucks, I'm so fucking bad at this."

"It's not like I'm any better."

"Ugh. _Ugh._  Emotions are hard. I can see why you hate them."

"I don't hate-"

"Issa joke, _mójol_."

...

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry too."

" _You_? Why are you sorry?"

"For what I said on that fucking game show from hell? For not defending you when everyone was calling you dumb? For you being in pain? Take your pick."

"That last one isn't on you, man. And the other stuff- it doesn't matter."

"It does, though! It was- it was _fucked up_. They just took your insecurities and  tore into them while I just stood there and watched! I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. You didn't deserve any of that. I- I like you, Lance. And I treated you like shit. I wish I could take all of that back." 

"Wow. Okay. I- thanks Keith. I mean... yeah, I really like you too. Like, a lot actually."

"Oh!"

"Don't look at me like that, assclown."

"Aish, you're fucking rude when you're embarrassed."

"Hush. I just, I don't know. I don't get it. I mean- okay, you're gay."

"Are you just now figuring that out? Shit, Lance, you're supposed to have the best eyes on the team."

"Fuck off! I just mean that, like, I'm not a guy. I don't- I mean- _fuck_. I just, I don't even have the right parts. I'm not-"

"Whoa, okay, stop. Yes, I'm gay. And I like you. The two aren't mutually exclusive."

"But-"

"Nope. I _mean it,_ Lance _._ I like you, okay? The parts don't- the parts aren't important. Not as much as you are."

" _Fuck_."

"Are you crying?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

 

* * *

 

 **Edgelord:** ok we talked and shit

 **Thirsty Hoe:** pls free us

 **I Love Arm:** pidge is en route

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh thank god

 **Edgelord:** oh can u guys send a medic over? lance fractured their foot

 **Hunkalunk:** jshdhdjdhd hOW?

 **Ronnie:** jfc kid only u could manage that in a literal supply closet

 **Thirsty Hoe:** listen

 **Actual Princess:** Lance! Coran has been working on a healing gel that has effects similar to those of the pods and i've sent him right over with it. i do hope you aren't faring too badly

 **Thirsty Hoe:** aw dw princess! ive had plenty worse than a janked foot. i'll b fine :)

 **Ronnie:** okay but im w hunk- H O W

 **Thirsty Hoe:** Mistakes Were Made

 **Edgelord:** they kicked the door

 **Thirsty Hoe:** w o w twist the knife while ur at it pls

 **Edgelord:** god ur so fucking EXTRA

 **Thirsty Hoe:** its part of my charm, babe ;)

 **Pidgeon:** ALERT ALERT THEY'RE TOTALLY HOLDING HANDS AND KEITH IS BLUSHING

 **I Love Arm:** right in front of my salad??

 **Edgelord:** dead meme try again

 **Hunkalunk:** KEITH DID YOU KISS MY BEST FRIEND???

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh my gOD HUNK

 **Edgelord:** no why

 **Hunkalunk:** wait you didnt? why not??

 **Thirsty Hoe:** im? right? here?

 **Edgelord:** they'd just fucked up their foot. seemed impractical 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** "impractical"

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wwait

 **Thirsty Hoe:** would you have kissed me otherwise????

 **Edgelord:** uh

 **Hunkalunk:** my ship has sailed

 **Ronnie:** this is so GAY i love it

 **Thirsty Hoe:** keith come to the medbay rIGHT NOW PLS

 **Edgelord:** why??? i thought they were casting ur foot?

 **I Love Arm:** sigh

 **Pidgeon:** just do it emoboi smh

 **Edgelord:** omw

 **Thirsty Hoe:** (◕‿◕)

 

* * *

 

 **Pidgeon:** guys

 **Pidgeon:** look at this pls and be blessed

 **Pidgeon:** [ _image sent_ ]

 **Edgelord:** holy shi;thshgdjk

 **I Love Arm:** where the fuck did you find that

 **Pidgeon:** wouldn't you like to know

 **Thirsty Hoe:** dan shiri your bobbie s

 **Ronnie:** damn shiro is fucking rIPPED

 **Hunkalunk:** which calendar was that in?

 **I Love Arm:** gonna go run across the highway now bye

 **Edgelord:** uou looked like such a fuckboy im dyinfjshdhdj

 **Thirsty Hoe:** look at that FLEX tho 

 **Actual Goddess:** i just found a new contact photo for Shiro!!

 **I Love Arm:** nO

 **Edgelord:** i cjant breatheh

 **Thirsty Hoe:** keith is legitimately dying i can't fucking even

 **I Love Arm:** i wish y'all came with a gift receipt istg

 **Pidgeon:** rude :/

 **Thirsty Hoe:** fr tho shiro have u always been so daddy?

 **Edgelord:** wow that's gay

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ur gayer lmfao

 **Hunkalunk:** cmon guys get a room

 **Thirsty Hoe:** sure thing lol later losers

 **Thirsty Hoe:** @Edgelord hey come here so we can make out

 **Ronnie:** ugh gross

 **Edgelord:** you lock us in a closet, you deal with the consequences.

 

* * *

 

 **Actual Goddess:** good news, paladins! as of today, the castle is now 85% complete!

 **Hunkalunk:**  really?

 **Pidgeon:** wow that's amazing!

 **I Love Arm:** soon enough, voltron will be back to defending the universe.

 **Thirsty Hoe:** shit, that happened so fast what the fuck

 **I Love Arm:** time flies when u spend most of it making out ig

 **Edgelord:** ur one to talk, asshole

 **Edgelord:** u think we don't know what u and adam are up to when u sneak out in the middle of a meeting?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i love it when hhe,,, claps bac k

 **I Love Arm:** hey guys did keith ever tell you about his first date w his middle school bf and howjsndjjdhdnj dkjd,l,;

 **Pidgeon:** bye dad

 **Hunkalunk:** how did keith get there so fast???

 **Thirsty Hoe:** he nyoom

 **Hunkalunk:** makes sense

 **Actual Goddess:** please keep in mind that it is still very much illegal to commit fratricide

 **Edgelord:** in memory of takashi shirogane rip

 **Edgelord:** oh whoops

 **Pidgeon:** he will be missed

 **Thirsty Hoe:** savage

 **Hunkalunk:** can we pls stop killing shiro

 **Edgelord:** haha nah

 **Thirsty Hoe:** hey keith, come back here so i can put my tongue in your mouth again i miss u <3

 **Pidgeon:** DIRECT MESSAGES ARE A THING LANNCE

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yeah but here i can show off that my hot boyfriend and i are gettin it

 **Ronnie:** or you could like,,., Not

 **Edgelord:** already almost there

 

* * *

 

  **Papi Chulo - > 자기야 **

 

 

 **자기야:** so like real talk

 **자기야:** is it weird that i wish the castle was taking longer?

 **Papi Chulo:** not? really? 

 **Papi Chulo:** i get it, lance. you're back home w ur family and shit but soon we have to go out there again and defend the universe

 **Papi Chulo:** honestly i'd be more surprised if you were completely okay with it 

 **자기야:** yeah ig

 **자기야:** like ik that we have a job to do but im just really gonna miss my parents and siblings and Cuba and.. yeah.

 **Papi Chulo:** look at it this way though,

 **Papi Chulo:** this time around, we're not fighting an entire empire anymore.

 **Papi Chulo:** once we get these sendak sympathizers in line and find haggar, shits done

 **Papi Chulo:** we'll be able to go back to earth w/o worrying about bringing that shit back with us, you know?

 **자기야:** damn babe, when did you get so good at pep talks? <3

 **Papi Chulo:** i just lov | _message cancelled_

 **Papi Chulo:** i want to make you happ | _message cancelled_

 **Papi Chulo:** i try

 

* * *

 

**Chatting with ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯...**

 

 

 **Ronnie:** hey so like,,

 **Ronnie:** the atlas is a pretty big mofo. so,, like,, how are y'all gonna fit it onto the castle???

 **I Love Arm:** coran modified the castle's blueprint and put in an additional bay to fit the ship in. it's huge, but it'll work

 **Ronnie:** damn, that dude is a genius

 **Thirsty Hoe:** you know it!!! corans the best! like a weird space uncle who has 10,000 years of knowledge stored away in his encyclopedia brain. 

 **Ronnie:** he kinda reminds me of sr. valdés. they even have the same mustache

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh my GOD i jsjdhdkfj you're so right holy shit

 **Thirsty Hoe:** they both do that whole tangential story time thing too djdhhjd im cant believe 

 **Pidgeon:** why haven't we gotten coran in on this gc anyways?

 **Actual Princess:** please dont :)

 **Hunkalunk:** i feel like there must be a story there

 **Thirsty Hoe:** t-tea?

 **Actual Goddess:** it's just...

 **Actual Goddess:** well, he has this tendency to fill the chat with these large paragraphs and it makes me feel like im reading a novel. do not get me wrong, i love Coran. but,,, it's a bit tiring at times. 

 **Hunkalunk:** thats understandable, princess. it's cool, this is a safe place and we won't do anything to make u uncomfortable or anything like that.

 **Edgelord:** yeah, i mean, we all need a break from family every once in a while.

 **I Love Arm:** why do i feel like that's a dig at me?

 **Edgelord:** hmm no clue

 **I Love Arm:** ༼;´༎ຶ౪༎ຶ༽

 **Thirsty Hoe:** iim cryyung hELP

 **Pidgeon:** WHAT THE FUCK SHIRO KILL IT WITH FIRE

 **Edgelord:** i just gagged so violently 

 **Edgelord:** im too gay to deal w this bye 

 **Hunkalunk:** god has officially Left Us

 **I Love Arm:** lol god is dead

 **Pidgeon:** a-are you okay? 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** if u wanna see god all you gotta do is mdjwjdkdj 'f;lk

 **Pidgeon:** oh my fuckin god they're fuckin dead

 **Hunkalunk:** hey lil buddy you cool?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** hE TACKLED ME

 **I Love Arm:**?who?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yOUR BROTHER THATS WHO

 **Pidgeon:** why the fuck?

 **Edgelord:** they were about to say something 

 **Ronnie:** yeah that's lance like 97% of their life

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ow

 **Thirsty Hoe:** you try to praise your bf once and this is what you get

 **I Love Arm:** bro, you gotta stop tackling people mid text

 **Hunkalunk:** yeah it's kinda becoming a Thing lol

 **Pidgeon:** what was lance gonna say tho

 **Hunkalunk:** wait let me guess

 **Hunkalunk:** something something keith's butt yadda yadda

 **Thirsty Hoe:** fuck howd u know 

 **Edgelord:** i thought we were friends, hunk

 **Hunkalunk:** sorry man!!! 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wait yALL IM YODELING I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY

 **Thirsty Hoe:** IM A GENIUS

 **Ronnie:** wanna share with the class?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** SHIRO IS CRAIG KEITH IS ROBERT

 **I Love Arm:**...i don't get it

 **Edgelord:** me neither

 **Hunkalunk:** omg omg you're right holy crow

 **Thirsty Hoe:** shiro download ddadds right now and play through it with keith

 **Pidgeon:** lance actually does gods work for once

 **Hunkalunk:** there's a first time for everything

 **Thirsty Hoe:** on a completely different note, isn't hunks refusal to swear adorable?

 **Ronnie:** oh yeah totally

 **Ronnie:** cmon dude, you're a soldier, you're allowed to cuss

 **Hunkalunk:** i- i mean i can try?

 **Hunkalunk:** f

 **Hunkalunk:** ff...

 **Thirsty Hoe:** almost there, man

 **Hunkalunk:** frick

 **Pidgeon:** so close

 **Ronnie:** Soon

 

* * *

 

 **Edgelord:** @Thirsty Hoe yoy were rwong

 **Thirsty Hoe:**???

 **Edgelord:** he doesnsgt even beleiv in motjmnan!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** o H

 **Ronnie:** lance just walked straight into a wall and wheezed, what the hell happened

 **I Love Arm:** we finished playing dream daddy last night

 **Ronnie:** o H

 **Edgelord:** hes aid mothamna is buljsiht!! 

 **Hunkalunk:** i laughed so hard my ribs started hurting oh my gosh

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i swear i forrgot about that holy fuck

 **Edgelord:** they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.

 **I Love Arm:** kkeiht imf ucking dyinh

 **Edgelord:** omae wa mou shindeiru

 **Hunkalunk:** it's like keith and lance have merged into one Extra Wild Gay Memer™

 **Edgelord:** miss me witht hat lol :)

 **Thirsty Hoe:** uh hello im a blessing???

 **Edgelord:** shit u rite <3

 **Pidgeon:** ignoring the gay shit going on rn, which daddy did y'all romance?

 **I Love Arm:** hugo

 **Hunkalunk:** the question itself is gay?

 **Pidgeon:** slut your mouth

 **Thirsty Hoe:** SLUT YOUR MOUTH

 **Ronnie:** slut your mouth

 **Hunkalunk:** sLuT yOuR mOuTh

 **Pidgeon:** everyone except shiro and allura is cancelled bye

 **Thirsty Hoe:** what about keith???

 **Edgelord:** yeah what about keith???

 **Pidgeon:** u aight ig

 **Thirsty Hoe:** real talk tho on a scale of 1-10, how daddy is hugo?

 **Pidgeon:** 8/10

 **Ronnie:** 7/10

 **I Love Arm:** 10/10

 **Hunkalunk:** 4/10

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wellig we know shiros type now

 **I Love Arm:** i like intellectuals bc i so rarely get to spend time around them

 **Pidgeon:** wow shots fukkin fired

 **Thirsty Hoe:** guess i'll,,, go commit die ayyy

 **Hunkalunk:** 911 ive witnessed a mass murder

 **Edgelord:** shiro you fell inti a culvert while we were out on our speeders and rode back to the garrison with tour pants tied to the antenna like a flag bc u thought they'd air dry faster that way, u wouldn't fuking know an intellectual if they punched you in the dick with a goddamn textbook

 **I Love Arm:** expose me harder pls

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i sTAN MY BOYFRIEND YALL HE AN ICON

 **Pidgeon:** #screenshotted

 **Pidgeon:** mans not hot my dude

 **Thirsty Hoe:** uhh fite me?

 **Edgelord:** fuckin rude

 **Thirsty Hoe:** why do u hate love, my smol birb fren?

 **Pidgeon:** disgusting 

 **I Love Arm:** well she has you there

 **Thirsty Hoe:** hwy y'all roastin my mans ?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** fake ass bishes

 **Pidgeon:** bc i can fukk u and ur horse

 **Hunkalunk:** uh oh

 **Thirsty Hoe:** y-yarf? OwO

 **Pidgeon:** suck a fuck, weeb

 **Thirsty Hoe:** aNd HoW dOeS oNe SuCk A fUcK??

 **Pidgeon:** use ur succ gun, slutface

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wow overwatch has gotten so toxic

 **Hunkalunk:** i dont know whats happening anymore

 **I Love Arm:** honestly im too tired and gay to deal with this

 **Edgelord:** pidge i will literally piss on ur laptop, flush it down a toilet and jettison it into the sun while recording its ascent and metamorphosis into a literal flaming ball of space trash and force you to watch

 **Thirsty Hoe:** he protecc and attacc <3

 **Hunkalunk:** HE WENT OFF

 **Thirsty Hoe:** why the fuck my peepee hard lolol

 **I Love Arm:** okay google how do i delete all of my friends

 

* * *

 

 **Pidgeon:** hey homosexuals, i just talked to my dad and coran and it looks like the castle is p much ready to go.

 **Pidgeon:** we're just gonna do a test flight and wormhole and then everything's set

 **I Love Arm:** i can't wait to hurl through the endless void of outer space with you guys again

 **Pidgeon:** wow uh mood

 **Thirsty Hoe:** im just gonna,,, cry in the club hhrkjsh

 **Ronnie:** why the fuck u crying mmm oh my god

 **Hunkalunk:** thats so ol d

 **Ronnie:** im sORRY MEMES WERENT A PRIORITY WHEN WE WERE BEING SUBJUGATED BY PURPLE ALIEN CATS

 **Edgelord:** gosh i can't wait to shove my entire left leg up haggars ass haha :)

 **Thirsty Hoe:** well mark me down as scared AND horny

 **Pidgeon:** kinky

 **Edgelord:** i hate both of you

 **Thirsty Hoe:** D:

 **Edgelord:** im sorry i didnt mean it

 **Thirsty Hoe:** :D

 **I Love Arm:** #whipped

 **Edgelord:** go shove your robot arm into a socket

 **Hunkalunk:** wait no dont

 **Edgelord:** y

 **Hunkalunk:** we Need Him

 **Edgelord** u sure?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** p-papi protecc

 **I Love Arm:** i hate to agree with lance, but

 **Ronnie:** yo gays the castle is boutta take off if u wanna watch

 **Actual Goddess:** i am bringing what i believe Samuel called popcorn?

 **I Love Arm:** *naruto runs* 

 **Edgelord:** i hATE

 

* * *

 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** im gonna miss mami and sebastian and adais and *looks at smudged writing on hand* ventricular

 **Ronnie:**  im gonna be on the atlas with shiro, asslamp

 **Thirsty Hoe:** its like i can still hear her voice

 **Hunkalunk:** im really excited to get to know adam!!! he seems like a chill guy

 **I Love Arm:** adam has literally no chill

 **Pidgeon:** yo shirt u got any blackmail material on him? asking for a friend

 **I Love Arm:** i'll dm u later

 **Edgelord:** so when do we uhh,,,, fuck haggar's shit up? 

 **Actual Goddess:** Haggar is the first person on my shit list :)

 **Thirsty Hoe:** dont hug me im scared

 **Hunkalunk:** fuck haggar, save the world

 **Hunkalunk:** wAIT NO

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i love fuck or die fanfics

 **Hunkalunk:** im gonna go drink some bleach bye

 **I Love Arm:** these are the defenders of the universe

 **Edgelord:** goddammit go shit on someone else's party

 **Pidgeon:** keith seems,,, more aggressive than usual?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yeah did u know galra have heat cycles? lol

 **Edgelord:**  laNCE

 **Thirsty Hoe:**  hey maybe we'll synch up! 

 **Edgelord:** ITS NOT A MENSTRUAL CYCLE

 **I Love Arm:** i mean it p much is

 **Edgelord:** ah fuck, i cant believe youve done this

 **Hunkalunk:** is it just me, or has keith become like 93% memier since him and lance have been dating?

 **Pidgeon:** oh, hes definitely memier

 **Thirsty Hoe:** *wipes tear from eye* im so fucking proud

 **Edgelord:** shit u rite

 **I Love Arm:** i am both happy and creeped out

 **Edgelord:** if you want me to kill myself just say so lmao

 **Thirsty Hoe:** pls dont who else would put their hands in my butt

 **Thirsty Hoe:** *ON NOT IN FUCKKFJJFJ ONNN

 **Ronnie:** screenshotted

 **Pidgeon:** press f to pay respects

 **I Love Arm:** f

 **Hunkalunk:** f

 **Ronnie:** f

 **Thirsty Hoe:** another top 10 anime betrayals

 **Edgelord:** f

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wow okay

 **Edgelord:** <3

 **Hunkalunk:** ahh modern romance

 **Actual Goddess:** hello paladins, i am happy to report that the castle has been declared fully functional and we will be departing in approximately 2 and a half quintants.

 **Hunkalunk:** jeez just drop that bombshell on us haha

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh shit okay, i thought we'd at least have another spicolian movement

 **Actual Goddess:** i apologize Lance, Coran and i agreed that the sooner we depart to find haggar and figure out what else she might have planned, the better.

 **Thirsty Hoe:** no its okay, princess. i get it :) just kinda took me by surprise is all.

 **I Love Arm:** hopefully we'll be able to wrap this up quickly and get back to earth. i mean, what could go wrong?

 **Pidgeon:** NO

 **Hunkalunk:** NOO

 **Ronnie:** jfc

 **Thirsty Hoe:** NOOO

 **Edgelord:** shiro you complete twat

 **Hunkalunk:** shiro u cant SAY that dhhdgdgfdgd you jinxed us!!!

 **I Love Arm:** pff that's not real guys lol if it were i would've died the first three times

 **Pidgeon:** i,,, think he thinks hes invincible

 **I Love Arm:** death: 0  shiro: 3

 **I Love Arm:** coincidence? i think not

 **Edgelord:** ohmygod youre so fucking dense it hurts how does adam even deal holy fuck

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i think my boo is having a crisis nyall hes just chanting "oh my god he's so fucking stupid oh my god" over and over again send help

 **Pidgeon:** pics or it didn't happen

 **Thirsty Hoe:** girl i aint lookin to die lol

 **Edgelord:** like shit i knew u weren't all there but what the shit holy fuck shiro u goddamn lunatic fucking dense fucking fucker why the fuck are you like this what the goddamn shit oh my fuck

 **Hunkalunk:** that sentence made me so worried and uncomfortable 

 **Ronnie:** the defenders of the universe everybody

 **I Love Arm:** the rationale holds up so,,,,

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh no

 **Edgelord:** you goddamn fucking narcissistic piece of fucking insanity you better be fucking with me i sure as shit know you cant be this fucking thick you damn reckless bastard fucking motherfucker sit the fuck down i will literally kick your ass to chinatown fucking assfucking shitfuck i swear to fucking god do not fucking test my goddamn patience

 **Pidgeon:** oh my GOD 

 **Ronnie:** he clapped back,,, so hard,

 **Actual Goddess:** Keith has such colorful vocabulary!! :)

 **Hunkalunk:** why do alluras smiley faces always put me on edge? 

 **Pidgeon:** bc allura is a force to be reckoned with

 **Hunkalunk:** Understandable

 **Thirsty Hoe:** d-did my boyfriends clap back legit kill my papito? 

 **I Love Arm:** no, unfortunately :/ i had to read that with my own eyes

 **Thirsty Hoe:** daddy!!! OuO

 **I Love Arm:** thanks! i hate it

 **Thirsty Hoe:** u just mad bc lil bro got mad bde

 **Ronnie:** i cHOKED 

**I Love Arm has left the group**

**Edgelord:** ggod youre so powerful

 **Thirsty Hoe:** anything for you, babe <3

 

* * *

 

 **Thirsty Hoe:** okay so im going to mcdawnalds before we leave, anyone want a phucking beesechurger?

 **Pidgeon:** phuck yes pls make it extra meaty juicy

 **Hunkalunk:** can i get uhhhh chinken nunget? 

 **Edgelord:** large fries and self-respect pls and thank

 **I Love Arm:** get me chinken club and coke zero

 **Ronnie:** apple sauce

 **Thirsty Hoe:** whomst the fuck orders apple sauce at mcdawnals???

 **Ronnie:** did i ask for your fucking commentary?? get me the sauce

 **Thirsty Hoe:** you can't hANDLE THE SAUCE

 **Thirsty Hoe:** also im gettin allura some plush nuggies

 **Actual Goddess:** what are... nuggies?

 **Hunkalunk:** A Gift

 **Edgelord:** lance im FUCKING checking out the new training deck and SHIT im so turned on rn

 **Edgelord:** sHIT THIS IS THE GC

 **Pidgeon:** he did it to himself yall

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yOU NEARYL MADE M E CRASH MY SPEEDERR I CANJT BRETEHE

 **I Love Arm:** screenshotted 

 **Edgelord:** im gonna go scream into the void of space peace out gays

 **Hunkalunk:** keith is officially 70% scene gay and 30% chaotic gay

 **Thirsty Hoe:** can confirm

 **I Love Arm:** welcome to the club bro

 **Hunkalunk:** wait lance why are you texting and driving???

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh- shrkrh im los- shrkrh -ou guys -shkrhsk going int- skhrksh -unnel

 **Ronnie:** jfc how are you an adult

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i came out here to have a phucking beesechurger and i honestly feel so attacked right now

 **Thirsty Hoe:** also kinkaide is driving so suck a dick

 **Hunkalunk:** then,,, how did u almost crash the speeder??

 **Thirsty Hoe:** its like u dont even know me

 **Hunkalunk:** ,,,you fell on top of him, didn't u?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** give the man a prize!!!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** oh mcflurries r half off, anyone want?

 **I Love Arm:** oreo pls :)

 **Thirsty Hoe:** ;)

 **Pidgeon:** lance wheels up in 20

 **Thirsty Hoe:** im nyoomin as fast as i can

 **Pidgeon:** better nyoom faster asshole

 **Thirsty Hoe:** this churger sure is meaty juicy

 **Thirsty Hoe:** be a shame if something were to,,,, happen to it 

 **Pidgeon:** you better not

 **Thirsty Hoe:** bet :)

 **Edgelord:** babe pls hurry i want my salty grease sticks

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i gotchu bby <3

 **Hunkalunk:** n-nuggies?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i gotchu fam <3 

 **Pidgeon:** self-respect?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** lmao idk her

 **I Love Arm:** mood

 **I Love Arm:** hey keith have you seen the new captain's quarters

 **Edgelord:** we have captains quarters now??

 **I Love Arm:** b r o

 **I Love Arm:** [ _image sent_ ]

 **Edgelord:** @Thirsty Hoe b a b e

 **Thirsty Hoe:** holy shit i wanna rub my ass on every flat surface it's so SHINY

 **Hunkalunk:** thanks for that mental image!!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** if u cant handle me at my wink wonk u don't deserve me at my pew pew pew

 **Pidgeon:** i hate that i understood that

 **I Love Arm:** oh lance i think i see you and kinkaide approaching

 **Thirsty Hoe:** hooly shjit shiro did you just yell "GAYS APPROACHING THE STERN"

 **I Love Arm:**...did u hear that?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yehs

 **I Love Arm:** lmao whoops

 **Ronnie:** oh my god lance pls tell me ur not doing what i think youre doing

 **I Love Arm:** guysbdhdh theyre  t w e r k i n g

 **Thirsty Hoe:** for science!!

 **Pidgeon:** how the fuck does one twerk for science?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** im trying to get kinkaide to crack a smile 

 **Hunkalunk:** valid

 **Actual Goddess:** everyone, we will be departing in 5 doboshes

 **Ronnie:** u better give me my sauce, hoe

 **Thirsty Hoe:** calm your tiddies, street hooker

 **Edgelord:** p-please i just want to s-see my spouse again

 **I Love Arm:** theyre here guys, we're all on our way up.

 **Hunkalunk:** oh my god i don't know what to do pidge is crying

 **Pidgeon:** hunk what the FUCK

 **Hunkalunk:** im sorry i panicked!!

 **Thirsty Hoe:** dw pidgey im cryin in the club too :')

 **I Love Arm:** they really are, keith come collect

 **Edgelord:** omw 

 **Ronnie:** gosh i cant believe we're actually doing this holy shit

 **Ronnie:** is this how you felt when u guys left the first time?

 **Hunkalunk:** i think it was significantly more terrifying back then. we had no idea what we were going into at the time.

 **Actual Goddess:** paladins, if we could request your presence on the bridge? we'd all like to debrief before we wormhole.

 **Pidgeon:** you got it, princess

 **Hunkalunk:** so like, now that we're out here, what are we gonna do with the gc?

 **Edgelord:** i,,, guess we dont really need it anymore, huh?

 **Ronnie:** guess not

 **Thirsty Hoe:** i could close it out

 **Thirsty Hoe:** wow thats gonna be weird. we've had it for so long.

 **Edgelord:** at least now we can go back to using the castle's communicators.

 **Thirsty Hoe:** feels like the end of an era

 **I Love Arm:** and the start of a new one. time to say goodbye?

 **Thirsty Hoe:** yeah, lets. everyone ready?

 **I Love Arm:** aye

 **Pidgeon:** aye

 **Edgelord:** aye

 **Hunkalunk:** aye

 **Actual Goddess:** aye

 **Ronnie:** aye

 **Thirsty Hoe:** aye aye

**Thirsty Hoe has deleted the group**

 

 

### Notes

1\. Lance has not added Shiro's name to their Earth phone's dictionary yet. After this, they make it a point to call him Shirt at every opportunity. Shiro silently suffers (and secretly maybe finds it kind of funny too).

2\. Yes, Lance watched The Punisher. They like Jon's floofy "Pete" look but also like his "drenched in the blood of 20 of his enemies" look. Understandably.

3\. Keith leaves as soon as Lance mentions they find another man attractive. No, Keith does not think he seems suspicious.

4a. Sebastian and Adais are twins. Sebastian wants to be a chef when he grows up and Adais wants to be a cyborg ninja/author.  
4b. (Adais is pronounced ah-daze)

5\. Pidge actually knows the Navy Seal copypasta by heart. Do not ask why she felt the need to memorize it. Merely accept it as fact.

6\. Look. Look at Iruka and look at Shiro. This isn't hc, it's canon.

7\. Plot twist: while Keith was high off his ass on hallucinogenic Ythgan apples, Lance cradled him in their arms. Keith still has no idea.

8\. Shiro having a mini-freak out over talking to his ex is inspired by me having a mini-freak out over talking to my ex. If he seems OC, that's why. However, I am fully convinced that Shiro is 100% a Disaster Gay.

9\. Keith nonchalantly yeets when Lance fawns over Allura.

10\. Lance: be a good boy  
Keith: fuckfuckfuckfuckf

11\. Shiro's keyboard smash is the result of his baby brother tackling him mid-text, shoving a knee into his solar plexus, and wrestling the phone out of his hands. Even his enhanced Altean super arm was no match for a determined Keith.

12\. Adam is on bedrest, so Shiro arrives to his room with a basket of food he tried to prepare himself. (He called Hunk for advice on the spanikopita but the shish-kabobs were all his own). They talk, and Adam tugs out the chain tucked under his collar, hanging from which is the ring Shiro proposed to him with. Despite their best efforts, both cry. When they finally part ways for the night, it's nearly 2am and both are cautiously hopeful of their future together.

13\. Keith is already plotting Adam's demise. Does he care that Adam is in a wheelchair? Not at all.

14\. Lance isn't a boy, but they say they're gay for Keith. That's purely because in my hc, they identify as transmasculine non-binary. Like me. I'm- okay, yeah, I'm projecting. This is self-indulgent. Anyways, I do the same thing when I like guys because I identify as being on the masculine end of the spectrum. So, yup.

15\. The "Billy Ray Cyrus" jab nearly brings Keith to tears. It doesn't quite, but it was definitely a close thing.

16\. _Clang!_ A Converse All-Star impacting a metal closet door.

17\. "..." A pause, a breath, swallowed tears, and a nod. Both sit on the floor, one of Lance's feet on Keith's lap as he slips off the blue Chuck Taylor.

18\. Keith flexes Lance's foot and Lance kindly reciprocates by very nearly clawing Keith's face off.

19\. _Bang!_ A flat palm slapping against a cold metal wall. Keith flinches.

20\. Twin sighs, followed by Lance tipping their head back and closing their eyes. Keith watches silently, hand resting on Lance's ankle.

21\. "Oh!" Lance has Keith's hand clasped in theirs, fingers interlocked. Keith startles, smiles.

22\. I made the mistake of playing Spec Ops: The Line and then immediately diving into writing the dialogue-only closet scene and I think a bit of angstyness leaked through. I did try to offset it with a bit of lightheartedness at the end, though. Hopefully succeeded, but that's up to you.

23\. [Be blessed](https://www.deviantart.com/zillabean/art/Commission-Space-Silver-Fox-752419742). [ _Credit to[zillabean](https://www.deviantart.com/zillabean) on Deviantart._ ]

24\. Shiro's keyboard smash is brought to you by Keith throwing himself bodily at his big brother from across the room.

25\. In case there's any confusion, **자기야** is Lance and **Papi Chulo** is Keith. I'm a sucker for couples who give each other pet names in their native language, okay? It's adorable.

26\. I really wanted to have Keith react to Robert guys. I'm not sorry.

27\. Shiro doesn't actually think himself unkillable, he's just fucking with extra-aggressive Keith. It's super effective!

28\. S7 Keith really does have mad BDE and I am Gay and Here For It.

29\. Let's be honest, if I were leaving Earth for an unknown amount of time, I know I would just eat as much junk food as I could without making myself sick. I'm sure you would too, dear reader. And then there's Ronnie, in case there's a vegan out there reading this. I aim to serve.

30\. I couldn't leave the notes on a number like 29. I physically could not do it. So, you get an extra tidbit. I... may have forgotten about Romelle until about 1/2 way through writing this. By then, it was too late to add her in. I'm sorry I did her so dirty. She did not derserve.

**Author's Note:**

> ### Translations
> 
> jefe - boss
> 
> ¡basta ya! - enough already!
> 
> ¿que pinga? - what the fuck?
> 
> no me vayas a dichabar - (okay so this is cuban slang and idk how to translate it properly into english bc 1. im puerto rican and 2. i'm not completely fluent in spanish. the best way i can translate this is something along the lines of "don't tell anyone what im about to say" or "don't betray me". something like that)
> 
> por supuesto que no - of course not
> 
> que te jodan - fuck you
> 
> carajo puñeta coño - *very colorful swearing*
> 
> mójol - mullet
> 
> papi chulo - hot daddy
> 
> 자기야 - honey/sweetie


End file.
